Visitors to Iowa City Saturday were treated to an unusual sight.

A strange building had sprouted up on campus. Looking like a large white slug, the structure perplexed the locals.

Iowa City media were told it was a weather balloon that had crashed – without incident, of course. But IUSportcom knew better.

We were able to land an exclusive interview with the mysterious individual responsible for this particular dirigible, and are proud to have the opportunity to bring his thoughts to you.

IUSPORTCOM: First of all, thank you for meeting with us.

ZOLTAR: My pleasure. Always enjoy your planet.

IUSC: Excellent. So what brought you to Iowa City today?

Z: Well, I wanted to see what my friend Yaltan described as a big football game. I heard that this place was celebrating the 100^th anniversary of when everyone returns, and I thought at the very least I could enjoy some nice Midwest parties. Then I saw everyone going to see this gladiator contest, and followed the crowd.

IUSC:  Of course, you’re referring to the Indiana at Iowa football game.

Z: Yes, yes. It was exciting. Much more interesting than that Mellencamp fellow. I felt so sad for the designated victims in the white outfits. What kind of compensation did they receive for being the foils for the other group’s party?

IUSC: Uh, those were actually the Indiana Hoosiers. They are a Big Ten football team.

Z: The . . . Big Ten? Is that a reference to the tektites of land, or the entire nations these “Hoosiers” receive for acting as the marks for these other groups?

IUSC: No, it’s a conference. Wait . . . are you saying the Hoosiers lose on purpose? I can assure you, this is not the case. They’re just in a rebuilding mode this season.

Z: Looking at their history, it seems to suit them.

IUSC: Yeah, Hoosier fans can get used to it . . .

Z: That seems sad.

IUSC: Sometimes, it is. But it’s also about retaining a passion for, and a connection to, one’s school. In the end, the experience keeps us coming back.

Z: Interesting. So are there reasons for hope?

IUSC: There were. A kid named Gunner was coming here . . .

Z: GUNNER! Yes, he would be quite useful in battle. Eliminating one’s enemies through the use of fire is always an advantageous strategy.

IUSC: But we just found out that Gunner is no longer coming here.

Z: No longer  . . .! Why? Was he daunted by the strength of this Tre Roberson?

IUSC: Probably not. Today was Tre’s first start.

Z: His first start?!?! It seems he should have been in there sooner. You would have been less beleaguered, I think.

IUSC: Yes, he did do quite well today. Put up some really good numbers.  First true freshman to ever start at quarterback for IU.

Z: He showed potentially legendary leadership skills.

IUSC: Ugh . . .

Z: Rober must be very proud.

IUSC: (shaking head sadly)

Z: Is the future bright with him?

IUSC: Well, he’s just the latest true freshman to start for Indiana this season. The idea is that coach Kevin Wilson is breaking down the program, and building it back up in his image.

Z: I see. And how is his image?

IUSC: It’s . . . brash. He carries a good reputation from his previous stops, though he’s not quite the character we enjoy on Twitter. But he let a couple of radio snobs know IU will no longer accept being a doormat.

Z: You mean FakeKevinWilson? Amazing that something I did on a lark has taken off, isn’t it? Uh, uh, I mean . . . yes, I too read the Twitter.

IUSC: Yes, it’s a fun feed.

Z: Slap . . . somethings.. Haha. So what is next for Indiana?

IUSC: Well, likely more struggles. But we retain hope that today’s challenges will yield positive things in the future. It seems to be the curse of the IU football fan. Which I guess helps with the fact that so many IU fans are also Cubs fans.

Z: Based on what I saw today, the ability to score – despite the lack of a true gunner to mow down your enemies in front of you – is improving for the Hoosiers.

IUSC: Yes, the playbook seemed to open today, more than it has all season.

Z: It seems the future is bright there. But your defenders must do better. They must seize opportunities! They must vanquish your foes!

IUSC: Well . . . we’re getting there. The journey will not be easy.

Z: but it will be fruitful.

IUSC: We hope so.

Z: Interesting game, this . . . football.

IUSC: Love to teach it to you.