Over the years I’ve enjoyed Bill Simmons work on ESPN.com and now Grantland.com. In particular, my favorite pieces of Simmons have been his highly sarcastic, yet informative, running diaries. So, with that, I will attempt to conduct my own running diary while I watch Sunday Night Football on NBC, which features the matchup of the Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) at the Indianapolis Colts (0-2).
7:54 pm- I tuned in to the pregame coverage late, but just in time to hear that Peyton Manning will be calling some, if not all, of the offensive plays from the sideline this evening. That should be worth a few more scores and a few hundred yards one would think.
8:13- Very pleased to see the Patriots highlights. Brady threw 4 interceptions today. I needed a good laugh.
8:24- Troy Polamalu locks look great. He must use Head and Shoulders. And I totally forgot I had to listen to Cris Collinsworth for this entire game. The guy needs to lay off the cigarettes, his voice sounds like a 75 year old chain smoker. Collinsworth is also guaranteed to lock on one player the entire night and talk about them until you’re nauseous. And you can’t forget to bet on him mentioning his man-crush Tom Brady at least once even though he isn’t even playing.
8:33- A 30-yard gain on the 3rd play for the Steelers. Chalk that one up to poor tackling, just like every other backbreaking play against the Colts over the past decade.
8:41- You can definitely tell Peyton has had an influence on some of the play calls so far. The first few plays have all been passes, one incomplete to double-covered Pierre Garcon about 30 yards downfield. Speaking of Garcon, has anyone heard from him lately? Talk about falling off the face of the Earth. The guy hasn’t done anything since the ’09 AFC Championship Game.
8:45- Poor punt by Pat McAfee of the Colts. However, he’s has to be one of the best personalities on the team. He seems like a guy you would want to hang out with despite the fact that he looks like a girl with that pony tail sticking out the back of his helmet.
8:51- Another stop on 3rd and long for the Colts. The defense looks unusually electric tonight, which has to be a result of the animated motivator that is Coach Jim Caldwell, right? Actually, you can probably attribute it to the home crowd on a nationally televised game.
8:57- Its slowly becoming more clear that Polamalu will be the guy Collinsworth will be talking about for the rest of the night.
9:00- Scratch that, Pittsburgh’s Mike Wallace will be the man we’ll hear about for the rest of the night, and for good reason. He just caught an 81-yard touch down pass to put him over 100 yards receiving for the night.
It’s pretty sad I didn’t even flinch on that big touchdown by the Steelers. Normally I would’ve been pretty upset but I’ve already mentally prepared myself for a miserable season.
9:07- HUUUUUGE hit by Pat Angerer, the Colts’ middle linebacker, I heard that one all the way from Bloomington. Oops, that was probably just the thunder from the brewing storm outside.
9:12- I’m curious to know what percentage of the Colts’ defensive backfield was even looked at by another team. Defensive Back David Caldwell went to William & Mary for goodness sake.
9:16-The love of Mike Wallace from Collinsworth is evident. If only there was a device to mute the TV when he talks…
9:17- Robert Mathis sack-fumble! His 33rd since 2003, which leads the league, talk about underrated. He and Freeney are the Colts’ only hope tonight.
9:29- The camera picks up Kerry Collins yelling, “We’re good! We’re good!” at the line of scrimmage, which has to mark the first time a coherent, English sentence has been uttered since Jim Harbaugh was the Colts’ quarterback. Although, I’m sure the whole offensive line misses Peyton’s pre-snap audibles.
9:32- How long did it take to convince Deion Sanders to be the DirecTV fairy? One would think his abnormally large ego would get in the way of that negotiation. Great commercials nonetheless.
9:39- Sack fumble by Freeney and its returned for a touchdown by Jamaal Anderson. The defense is carrying this team right now (something I never thought I would say as a Colts fan).
9:45- Great interception by Colts’ DB Joe Lefeged, a guy who doesn’t even have college listed on the team website. Again, the defense is coming up huge.
9:50- The Colts head into halftime up 13-10. Al Michaels points out that the Steelers are averaging less than a yard per rush attempt. I’ve been watching the Colts since I can remember and this is a stat I’ve never heard. Ever.
10:10- The Colts’ opening possession of the half fizzled out pretty quickly, which is good, because the defense has scored 7 points to the offense’s 6.
10:13- A commercial shows Chris Bosh and Carmelo Anthony will star in an all-new Law & Order: SVU. In other words, the NBA Lockout is officially on. Also, LeBron is only in the first 45 minutes of the hour-long show, he couldn’t finish the last quarter of filming.
10:24- NBC just showed a clip of Manning being drafted in ’98. This begs the question, what if General Manager Bill Polian had drafted Ryan Leaf? I think it’s highly doubtful the Colts are even still in Indianapolis if they did.
10:36- Curtis Painter is warming up on the sidelines after Collins is evaluated for a concussion. The possibility of a loss is still alive! Here we come Andrew Luck.
10:46- Painter is officially in at QB and the city of Pittsburgh just breathed a collective sigh of relief, they know the game is over. Meanwhile, I think we’ve officially seen 47 camera shots of Peyton Manning in the coach’s booth. Quite the change up from the 94 views we get of Archie and Olivia Manning when they are in attendance.
11:02- The Colts D-Line continues to have their way with the Steelers O-Line. I feel bad for the many players Mathis and Freeney have embarrassed tonight.
11:06- Painter fumbles and Polamalu and his hair return it for a touchdown. Colts need to hurry up and get the defense on the field so they can put points on the board.
11:12- Painter is somehow driving his team down the field, with help from a rare appearance by Pierre Garcon.
11:15- The Colts touchdown drive is capped off by a tremendous run by Joseph Addai. But, the real star was Curtis Painter (this has to be the first time these words have ever been spoken/written). Is there a quarterback controversy in Indianapolis?
11:31- The Steelers take it down to the 20-yard line with 8 seconds left and are perfectly set up for a game-winning field goal.
11:33- Kicker Shaun Suisham hits from 38 yards out. 4 seconds left.
11:35- Painter one hops a pass off the turf and with that the game is over. The Colts are still in the race for Luck, #suck4Luck.
